He is Making All Things New

Ski Day! Paxton and Danika (staff) in the back, Kendall (intern) on the right, two of our male students

I found myself in a position that I never thought I would be in. I didn't think I would ever be "christian" enough to be here, in a closet, with the lights off, prostrate before the Lord, sobbing with nothing to pray for. Overwhelmed by the feeling of insignificance and having nothing to offer the King of the universe.

I have been wrestling with my identity as a Christian. What kind of Christian am I? I've seen

Brent and I on prayout Sunday

older Christian women my whole life who look so peaceful and content and full of joy. I don't seem to be that way. I'm full of passion and a hunger for justice. Nothing I do is quiet. Am I a bad christian? Am I lacking meekness? My inner feelings don't reflect what I think a good christian woman should look like. Leading me to ask the culturally popular question: Am I an imposter? I had the opportunity to get a break with two interns who I don't usually have a break with and I was explaining this to them. David said something to me that was encouraging, "It's okay if you don't believe something in your heart, because if you believe it in your mind, that's enough." As a highly sensitive feeler, this concept is confusing to me. I want to be able to feel the truth deep in my being. How could I preach something that I don't feel down to my core? The absolute truth is available to us through the Word of God. Part of having faith is trusting that capital T Truth is still true, regardless of what your heart feels. Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Not to say that feelings are always bad or wrong, but to say that what we feel in our hearts is not always truth.

Night before Zaeda's prayout

We prayed out two students on Easter Sunday. They finished the program strong and with a blessing from the Ranch. I feel so overwhelmingly grateful to be part of the harvesting. Reaping the reward of previous interns who faithfully planted, watered, and sowed seeds of truth. As I am facing real challenges with newer students, it is such an encouragement to see that God can, and does, do great things with the little faithfulness that we offer through obedience. Of course, not every student is going to accept the help and guidance we offer to them, and that is something worth mourning. Praise Jesus that the work is not mine to do. It is Jesus' work through his chosen vessels. Ephesians 2:8-10 "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Coming here, I felt ill-equipped. What did I have to offer? But the Lord told me to speak truth into the lives of these students and that is what I will do. Because it is not my truth that I am speaking. It isn't my convictions that I am pressing upon them. It is the word of God. I cannot be confident in my own wisdom, but I can be confident in God's.

Playing in the rain after a hard day

In February, I had asked the Lord to grow my compassion for a particular student. As I sat in my closet crying over her, I thanked him for answering my prayer. Being heart-broken over the consequences of a person's own conscious decisions would not have been a characteristic I would have ever described myself as having. But there I was, and here I am, wanting with every part of my being, to save this young woman from herself, knowing that nothing that I can do will be enough. The Lord, in his unfathomable generosity, has allowed me, us, to be a part of kingdom work. It is his work being done and we are simply garden tools as he prepares the ground, plants seeds, waters, prunes, and harvests.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

1 Corinthians 15:58 "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always aboundng in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."

Baby Alice, my neice

Answered prayers:

• a chance to go home for vacation

• financial support

• access to transportation

• my niece was born 3/31!

Things to continue to pray for:

• the armor of God and perseverance of the saints (the spiritual warfare is crazy here)

• a car

• the two students who just graduated the program

• MALE INTERNS (we desparately need God to send male interns)