Wrestling Match

"Hope for the best, get ready for the worst, and then take what God chooses to send."

Henry Matthew

The girls at a Josiah Queen concert

Have you ever wrestled someone? Tumbling on the ground, trying to pin the other person down. My favorite movie is Hot Rod with Andy Samberg. The main character, Rod, has this weird thing with his step dad, Frank, that he has to beat him in a fight in order to gain Frank's respect. There's a scene where they are wrestling in the basement and Frank is very obviously a better fighter than Rod, but he still gives it his all. The stakes are proving to his step-father that he is a real man, thereby earning his respect. This movie is a comedy and there's clearly some toxic family dynamics going on, but it's this curious dynamic of love between father and son. Wrestling is a vulnerable and intimate sport. You're all up in each other's personal space and there's this delicate tension of brute strength and refrain. If you refrain too much, you're giving up your weak spots, if you use too much strength, you injure your opponent. It's not just pounding your fists into someone's face. There's an art, technique, strategy, and purpose to it.

In Christian culture, we often use the phrase "I've been wrestling with God." What does "wrestling" with God really mean? Are we trying to prove that we are grown-up and earn the respect of our heavenly Father? The most common scripture we look at for proof of wrestling is Genesis 32. If you're not familiar with the story, it's when Jacob is returning to his home land, afraid of facing his brother, Esau, who he had swindled years before. Jacob goes off to be alone when a man appears before him and starts wrestling with him. The tussle lasts all night, and when dawn finally begins to reveal itself, this mysterious man realizes that he will not be able to prevail against Jacob. He injures Jacob's hip to end the fight. Then he begins to prophecy and bless Jacob. He is given his new name, "Israel for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed (Genesis 32:28)." Then Jacob, now Israel, comes to the revelation "I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered (vs 30)." Israel is changed in a night. A long, painful, tiring, fearful, night. He carries the new identity and also the physical scar. This is a helpful and physical example of what every Christian experiences. But there's another example of spiritual wrestling I have found in scripture…

John 17 is known as the High Priestly Prayer. It's the prayer that Jesus himself brought as sacrificial incense to the Father on our behalf, as well as his own. I recently read Luke's account of this event, and it showed a slightly different perspective:

And he came out and went, as was his custom, to the Mount of Olives, and the disciples followed him. And when he came to the place, he said to them, "Pray that you may not enter into temptation." And he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done." And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. And being in agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

(Luke 22:39-44)

Read that again and then pause to let the double-edge sword pierce your heart. This is the full humanity of God incarnate into flesh. This is a baby born to a woman grown up into a young man. This is a person who had a sacrificial calling who did not want to endure the pain that was destined for him. This was the beginning of the climax of the anticipation that had begun before the universe was created. Jesus wrestled with his Father. And what was God's response? He did not say yes. He strengthened him and said "Go to the cross."

I've been wrestling over the past three months as to whether or not I will extend my internship to a second year. Weighing the pros and cons, counting the financial cost, looking at all I will have to put on hold for another year, and the physical toll of being tired almost every day. How kind God is to listen to my complaints and concerns. Each time I wrestle with him, I come out closer to him and more trusting. Each match is shorter. Each time I feel more secure and blessed in him. I was reading some journal entries from my second week of internship and I had written down that I had discerned that the Lord wanted me here until he called me somewhere else. I haven't been called anywhere else and the door is open for me here. So I am deciding to extend my internship a second year. God has shown me so much faithfulness and why would he not continue?

The wrestle with God will leave us changed, but we MUST follow the example of Christ, "not my will but yours." If we do not yield when it is appropriate to yield, we will become bitter and believe that God is sadistic and only wants to crush us. Brothers and sisters, do not fall into the sin of entitlement that our will is deserved. His ways are higher than ours.

God knows you better than you know yourself and he has created you with a purpose to fit your personality. It is a beautiful privilege to request desires and to plea for respite. He is a good Father who loves his children and is not unwilling to give you what you ask. But with every supplication, we must yield to his will with thanksgiving. And we must be willing to go to the cross.

I got to see my nephew a few months ago. He turned 3 on 12/9!

One of the students here will often ask for things where he knows the answer will be no. And when he gets the "no" his response is always, "It never hurts to ask." The other day we were making cheesecake together and went to the kitchen manager's office for ingredients. He saw a bag of gummy worms and asked if he could have one. I said yes. His response was, "Wait, really? I didn't think you'd say yes." And I said, "It never hurts to ask." I asked God to let me go back home to Alabama and he said no, he is also pleased that I asked. I know God loves me and I know he wants good for me, so if that is here, I am joyful and grateful and honored to receive the no. Our wrestle with God can change outcomes. And we have our Father's heart. Our prayers are powerful and can change things.

Both Jacob and Jesus wrestled with God when they found themselves alone and in a grave situation. God saved Jacob from his fate, but not Jesus. Both of them received a blessing that had lasting effects that changed the world and offered hope. Both of them recognized the ultimate authority of God. Let us wrestle and draw near to the Lord and count it is blessing.

Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it agian: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petituion, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Answered prayers:

• We have two new interns! Actually, returning interns!

• The Lord has given me clear direction to stay for a second year

  
  

Things to continue to pray for:

• The armor of God and strength for the interns (spiritual warfare is real and exhausting)

• Interns! If you know anyone who would be a good fit, let me know!

• Students going home for Christmas that their time would be sweet and peaceful

• Strength for the interns. We're all feeling really weary.

• A car